A slow change for 2013

My daughter has long been really freaked out about the idea of me dating. Charlie doesn't seem to mind.. .kind of 'go for it mom' but his sister has tried to extract a promise of spinsterhood almost since Chuck died a year and a half ago. It was easier to reassure her then since at the time, the thought of even socializing with existing friends was daunting.

I don't know if she feels it will somehow lesson the memory of her dad, or threatens her in some way but thus far my inclination has been to try and hide it from her (send her to a friend's house if I'm going out etc.) But I don't want to sneak around, and I have always been honest with my children.

So last week, I told her that she may have to adjust to this idea, that I loved her and respected her opinion, but this wasn't up to her. When she asked, I talked to her very briefly about some of the single men I knew - a couple who have asked me out, a couple who I wish would. She ruled a few out for me, and lobbied hard for a good (married) friend of mine, but was understanding when I told her that we don't do that. I told her I have even filled out an online dating profile. (I have so many friends that have gone this route. Given how honest I was in the profile- something like 'full-figured widowed mother of two teens' (including pictures) - I have been surprised by the number of interested prospects, actually. But dating someone I don't know who is trolling for women online, at best sounds irritating and at worst risky. Annoyingly, the site keeps sending me emails along the lines of - "Hey! He's interested in you. He sent an email!, for $29.99/month, we'll let you read it." Ya, no. I have just ignored those pings thus far.

Anyways - I think I slowly convinced her it would be ok,  that I wasn't trying to bring a new father into her life - or have someone around who would crowd her out or with whom I would force her to be friends. When she asked, I assured her (under no uncertain terms) that I don't want more children (I cannot imagine raising teenagers again 13 years from now). I just told her if she did meet anyone I had plans to spend time with, I would expect her to be polite and sweet, as I would expect her to be to any friend I brought home.

I also told her I would be a ridiculously annoying mother if her and her brother were all I had to focus on, much more involved than she would want. That might have done the trick. We finished the conversation and she then built me a collage of men she knew I thought were hot (although she was baffled - 'these guys are gross mom, most of them have grey hair'. Should I tell her that so do I, I just pay Sara down at London salon to conceal it?) Then she changed my phone screen picture to John Hamm. This should be interesting.