Monday, September 15, 2014

It took a couple years after losing Chuck before I was interested in dating. When I did first get involved with someone, I did it all wrong. It was a mutual friend - someone I knew through our kid's sports. And as hard as this is to admit, I fell way too hard, way too fast, and probably for the wrong reasons, or at least not enough of the right ones. He looked like Chuck, he had a great rapport with my children (enjoyed giving them crap and could take it when they gave it back - which is the best way to bond with them), he loved baseball, I really like his son, and frankly I was happy to feel just a little less alone.

Turns out that wasn’t enough. It ended after several months and I never got an explanation as to why. I was devastated for some time. Then I was angry. I am now well past this and after some period of cynicism about commitment, can appreciate what I learned about myself and what I want.

Yesterday, this man unexpectedly passed away.

This is not my loss. I lost him over a year ago, and I’m in a much better place now. It was very hard to tell my kids. They both liked him. I was (and still am) concerned that it will feel all too familiar to them. But mostly my heart aches for his son, who feels like one of my own. I know too well what loss feels like and have seen first hand how hard it is to move on after losing a father. I wish I could help him understand that although it will always hurt, and desperately so, it will get easier. Time just has to pass.

I also know how important it is to let people help you - but yet next to impossible to ask for that help.

Hold on to those you love, and reach out to those who have lost. Please keep this boy and his family in your thoughts and prayers.